I could make wine with my vomit
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
