We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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