i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I need moral support for this bender
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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