and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
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