Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
