what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
