Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
