About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
