we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
