I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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