Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
and i looked up. we had an audience...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
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