It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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