You're my little dorito
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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