This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
