We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
