I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
