Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
