Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize