he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
