I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
