i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
