I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
