the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
