My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
