ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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