you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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