Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
