we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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