the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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