he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize