When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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