ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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