can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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