It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i now understand why vodka
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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