My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
