if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Houston, we have a squirter
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
