he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
