Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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