he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
