I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
