My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
