No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
