We're like a lot better than the average bears
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
