I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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