oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
