I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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