I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
