he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
