At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
