We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
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You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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