Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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