I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
