I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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