I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Couch. On fire.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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