Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
