My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
