Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
