I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
