I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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