half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
