We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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