You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
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I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
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Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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