HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
