I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off