VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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