we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
