made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
