I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
