rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
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White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize