i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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