Banned from zoo.
Again?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
