Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
