It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
