She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
