I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
